“A Masochist’s Tale :: A melange of love & spirituality”

The twists and crisps of a rose, enfolds a whole anecdote that is written impromptu...
Sometimes, it is enough to reiterate them, sometimes not. However, if these remains unspoken, it hurts so bad, so deep, so intense..
Well, I felt the same way. While peering through the pages of dips diary,
Alas!!
I summed up pondering “Life is desultory & was always, but it hurts the most when you’re the reason behind that’’. I am the masochist who enjoys his pain more than anything, who loves the beautiful nature, and is always captivated by it. So, here’s a melange of love and spirituality.
On the winding road, down the lane, when the sun rays fall
It brings away, too many thoughts of you..
How can I miss the zephyr that embraces your touch?
While walking on the sand, the footprints insinuate me closer to you..
The moonlight holds the essence of your presence.
The burgeoning flowers keep me agile..
The downpour makes me dance to your tunes
The chilly mornings awaken me with a fresh energy..
When u knock at the doors of my soul, I was always in my dreams, but, that angelic whisper, I can’t get rid of..
I know, you’re the shenanigan, but, I still love to be in the trap and playing the clown, a mere player of your pranks..
It must be LOVE or what.. ?
It is toughest to answer this one, much difficult than asking it.
I can’t think of you, not around me,
Without you, I felt a spastic pain in my heart, and I can’t mitigate that. So many words I said, so many things I’d done, so many tears I shed, but I can’t kick you out of my mind.
When the dark clouds play the game of see-saw to create the titillating deluge, the raindrops appear as if they are trying to pierce my soul, It brings back the memories, the pastoral times, we spent, we cherished, we mushroomed together.
When I tried to embrace the breeze, I need somebody juxtaposing me and making me inspirited and esprit me with a fresh energy.
I tried a whole lot of things to eradicate your presence, but I can’t help it. While glancing through the stars, It appears as if, a painter is penning his imagination in a paper with assuming you in his mind.
I don’t wanna get wet in the rain as, I don’t wanna wash away your memories.
Trying hard to forget you, I finally confined myself to the loneliness of the world, in nature’s lap, immensely, madly, and inanely........

My first love broke my heart for the first time.......

There’s always a special one, whom you trust more than others, care more than others, love more than others and that person always hurts you and when you try to forget that one, it’s so esoteric to do...

This one’s for all those broken hearts, which misses that special person.
* Excuse *
I am sorry, I am not one of them err.... Just trying to imitate the emotions of those that underway the pain and sufferings of loosing someone whom they love incessantly ....So, to start it with........

When I first met you, I always want to fling with you, but I didn’t
On our second meet, I always want to ask for your number, but I didn’t
On our first jaunt, I always want to embrace you, but I didn’t
On our first dance, I always want to hold you tight, but I didn’t
On our first ride, I always want to ask you to sit close, but I didn’t

I was not pretending to be good, but that’s what I am...
I am not a libertine, who flirts around,
I am not a player, who plays with someone’s emotions,
I am not a sycophant, who cajole you every time,

It’s time; you need another one, to extol your whims, to coax your persona, to flirt around...

I want to trust you, but I can’t
I want to miss you, but I can’t
I want to cry for you, but I can’t
I want to wallow, but I can’t
It’s abstruse to imagine, but I did it this time...

Gone are the mornings, those blossoms with your wakeup call
The Sunrise that brings you’re presence
Gone are the nights, I slept dreaming of you
The dreams that remind me of you
The cell phone that used to be agile by your call....
Emotes that lacerate my eyes
Those muses where, I used to play a clown
The inane things, I done for you
The moments, when I was bewildered by your factitious smile
The stages, we groove along

I never felt so empyrean, as I am feeling today after repudiating all those things.....
And thank you for all those exult moments we cherish...

"The mawkish soul "

On a desultory night, amidst the stars, a reckless soul is peering through the pages of his life..
The things he did, the things he did'nt..
It had been a long journey from love to hatred, simplicity to insanity, purity to defility ..
But, the memories will be there with him for eternity..
Be it good, superb, bad or worse.. He gonna cherish everything..
But, amidst all, there's an irony, that he will never gonna live those moments again..
With maudlin thoughts, he questions to god..

Why are you so frugal ? Why the good times are ephemeral ?
Why you didn't provide us with a timeclock ? Why we wallow for the past when we know it was gonne ?
Why you made emotions ? Why you made tears ? ..
But, the god didn't responded..
And the poor guy slept in his bed with the belief that somewhere, sometime, someday he'll get the solutions to his abstrusive questions..

" An unforgettbale Jaunt to the exotic Musoorie "

It's a löng series of stories fairly an anecdote ...well to start with...How often it happens, that most of your rustic memories were confined to a particular person/ place/ time/ season ? Well, for me, it's an uncountable figure...as i was always been fascinated fairly allured by those particular persons, places and so on...it's simply because of the mystical milieu associated with them...any ways, the exams went unexpectdly well..hmmm...they ought to be, as i was always been a fighter...defacto, 'last night fighter'...so, exams over, fun follows and yet again, i bunk the classes and trailed off on a trip to the exotic 'MUSOORIE, DOON, NAINITAL', with nexy's group, that too in the month of february, when it's so damn chilly there... But, inanity is the only string that keeps us intact...however, i'd no idea whatsoever about their plans et al..its almost, as if i am blindly following to nexy's orders. (she's superbly controlling my life without my will, that too when we're not in a serious relationship)... it's sumwhat six in the evening, when nexy call'd me up, hey, hws u? ..she asked...hmm.. fine..comes my reply..ok, listen, pack up you're luggage as earliest as possible and we'll there at your place, within a hour..she goes on incessantly, asusual.. What ? In a hour ? Where ? I inundated her with queries, just to hear, shut up and do what i say, i'll explain everything to you later..ok, bbye., ciao @ 7...okay, ....and i started packing up my bag with clothings to defend the icey temperature...meanwhile, hey, where are you going? ..someone interrupted me.. And That was my dearest mother....ahh !! holy shit !! ..I was so excited that i went without asking permission from maa, and the consequences were not good either..ohh, maa, just forgetten, actually, i am going on a college trip. (mendacity, but, seriously love my college for being my unconditional support as excuses)..well, Maa almost zeteticated me for some ten odd minutes and finally, i got the license (hmm..my mendacious skills are improving day by day thanx to nexy)...any ways, they arrived precisely at seven, so punctual.. And we trailed off to the exotic place for an unlimited doses of razzmataaz...

Freezing @ Zero Degree :: Messed up everything

And and and,...finally after a long wait of some 19 years, the moment, second, minute, hour has arrived when i got the first sip of intoxication...huh...the waiter served the order ..two full glasses of hell hallucinations...cheers !! Naina refreshes...(god, ma mind was entangled with so-called traditional "uusool'',but,i fucked all those, all thanks to an outrageous girl) man !! What a shit, it tastes simply hell..is it beer or alcohol? I zeticated her..but,she's like it's beer yaar..wine tastes better than this..THARKI replied...i almost felt like vomit it out..but with Naina, it's simply impossible..as status et al...so..we'd it and only god knows, whether i'll be going to home or elsewhere..however, it's not enough as we further slipped to 'ZERO DEGREE' - the newly opened lounge with an unique temperature control equipment..but, best part is the dj.. ..so, we entered the discotheque, partly drunk..i was a bit dipsy, so, i preferred to sit rather than groove..but, naina is naina, uncontrollable, as within a seconds,she's at the floor slapping the 'nice girl' compliment... That's what six-month friendship ( definitely not an anniversary) party meant to her.. While, she made the floor agile by her licentious moves, I was all alone at my seat pondering about a lot- exams, card, hallmark/archives, drinks, breaking 'usools', night out for whom, why, where...seriously, i screwed up everything...Frozen at Zero Degree..

She's driving me INSANE

The hands of clock relaxed and spread up to booze 6 o' clock...@ ''WAVE : Moacha''...its been an awesome evening not becoz of the cool december but, its the vivacious atmosphere and people around the place that makes it special...meanwhile,as i am waiting for Naina, somebody patted me hiee...i turned almost 180 degrees just to find 'Naina' smiling tall and zeteticating me ..God !! She's looking chastly b"ful in her outfit..as she's wearing a ravenous skirt with stilletoes that matches up perfectly to her overall persona..i must admit,i was almost perplexed by her ..however,she deterred my fantasies as nice girls always do that..so, hiiis and hugs ( wanna have this hug for eternity ,however, i reely don't know, why she's driving me crazy,as we're just friends )..aneways,Naina almost strained me to 'Moacha' the multi cuisine restaurant- its an ivory tower as its secluded only for couples (couples-the notion' we're just friends got a deadly stroke)..aneways, we settled to the corner chairs..so, whre are you since morning?.. Naina inquired instantly...hmm.,at home only..i lied it (all for the sake of card)...well, nexy, great place, yaar..i lauded her as it is the best place .. (that's what i used to call her ' naina+sexy=nexy)..thancioue..Naina replied and continued..aneways,u know, they serve the best italian food in the city and also superb wine...what?? Wine? How u come to know that..I asked her..dumbo,i tasted it yaar.. she replied almost nonchalantly..(i was already feeling intoxicated)..in the meantime, the waiter arrived and she ordered french fries and two glasses of beer,..Wait !! Wait!! I tried to stop the waiter,but he buzz off as i was late to react..Hey, what the fuck is that? beer at 6 o'clock in the evening that too in this public place..are u insane? I almost shouted...errr...don't shout..Naina preached,..instead she defended her point...yap, so what..it will be fun ( dreams shattered as i didn't even dreamed her to be like this..'THARKI' that's the only word my mind stirred of )...but she'd her own reasons, as she explained...look, dips, we're not teens now, and beer is not a alcohol just 8% alcohol...(That's an Universal Excuse for every drunkard)..and, you know, nice girls like her can really influence you, they are much better than Clergies...as she did....nd....

" Six-month anniversary :: Instigated my SPATS "

Tried my level hard to procure that '6-month Card' but, all in vain ..as it was so dement of me to search for it and am totally jaded after peering through alomst every card shoppie and bookstore in the city...but, later, had to quit the idea and am doing something absurd..nope ! Not ! bowlderize the nobel idea, rather headed to home with chochos, sketches, sheets, pens, pencils and every small tittle that i can have...in the meantime, Naina called me' up and asked rather ordered.. Be there at Wave @ 6 o'clock.,and i was like a pet, simply obeyed her.. ( Well, it's not the first time, actually, since our relation of 180 days, she's been the czar and am the proletarian)..{ however, no qualms for it..as she helped me a lot through the previous break-up and i owe a lot to her }.. Aneways, its 2 o 10 , and i stirred my "SPATS" - Senses, Perceptions, Abilities and Thinking System to enrich me with ideas so as to script them in the sheet..and finally, after 60 minutes of diligent work, i got my quintessence stuff..folks!! Trust me, it's so damn abstrusive to do this, and surely u need an inspiration to drive you...but, am reely falling for her..dunno why? Its not love, for that i am sure... But, surely, she'd inscripted a place in my heart and its so difficult to erase... and i simply deluge in my thoughts..

Six-month anniversary :: a bizzare thought :: a lot on stake

"Time flies so fast"..as its an ebullient winter of December 7, the zephyr is in full throttle and one can easily sense a feel of love and passion in the air...winters are here to rock...however, for me & 'naina' ,it was a way too special as we're on the brink of celebrating our '6-month anniversary' ,a bizzare celebratiön (don't laugh at that,coz anything is possible with naina, she's so damn privy of these special moments) ..so, its around 10 pass 11, finally, after two days of house arrest, i left home for some shop..aka preparation for D DAY..err..with a bit worried, coz i was left with just one week for the sessiönals and in this span i've to travel some 300 odd kms ..and collect notes etc. ..however, as i'm heading towards archives gallery, my mind was always flooded with thoughts , like ..while ur classmates were busy preparing for the exams, what the fuck you're doing here, celebrating what, and with whom, a girl u've just met 6 months ago and u've no 'thing with her .. Whereas, my friends & roomy had thought that i joined some institute for fighting the CAT, i was indulge in a whole lot of inane acts..But, i didn't know, why i'm doing this sort of imbecility..as i was not in a serious relationship with her and she's so better than me too...but, i can't say no to her..why me, any guy will find it damn hard to refuse a girl like naina..am not an exception, so, i headed to archive surpassing every thought and within 20 minutes, i was @ 'Archive' peering through the frendship cards but unable to select anything..its not that the collection was bad, but, am unable to locate a "6-month frndship anniversary" card.< is it exists ?>..god !! I can't even inquire about it, as, i don't want to be the ridicule of the shopkeeper........how often you come to face such embrassement..? But, all is fair in frndship or flirting..

An angelic Shenanigan made my day

CCD...Cafe Coffee day ..but 4 me, it's charismatic chick day..we seated perfectly in the couch with Naina sitting adjacent to me...tannu & nhea ordered four cappachino almost negating our likes..however, she's right as we must have been ordered the same stuff.. Meanwhile, i tried hard to begin a conversation by sorri-fy-ing her for the tenth time (i must admit hot gals can drive any sane into insane)..aah !! So awful as she almost parried me everytime...however, its somewhere, at school i learned a quote i.e. "Hard work always pays"...and after so many years, i realise that my teachers taught me the right thing as she finally exploded in paroxysm and i was aback as she spoke up...hey, am just kidding, actually was a bit annoyed but, was most raged when u and tannu insisted for CCD, as its the last thing i love...(man!! At that time, i was feeling so fucked off as i was regretting myself for those ten sorry's ) ..but,another quote, (to impress a girl, u should leave ur ego at a bin) so...i knew it..i speak up..actually, i was also kidding....oh !! Reely, am not a dumbo, dude..and pinched my cheek..(i almost went on to asking, can i pinch the same to you?)..so friends? Yap.,..And hands are shaken with a hug this time { i was @ the ninth planet } ignoring nhea and tannu who are staring at us asking what's cookin' here? ...errrrr...nothing just wishing her good luck for the exams...i replied.. Are you sure? That was asked by someone, unexpected 'Naina' and we all burst out in laughter...phone numbers exchanged and thread of sms 's lengthen throughout the way from CCD to home...sorry for studding you with too many quotes,.but, its the last i.e. "When you sms a girl some 20 sms's daily and also receive some 20 sms's daily from that girl "...it means "something called love is budding'' thats why,as a firm believer of quotes, i was letting myself indulged in increasing the toll to >20....

Don't dare to ask :: Did i met u somewhere ??

A armani jeans, versace tees, N95, rayban glasses, rolex watch or whatever,, are simply negligible as compared to a hot chick, when it comes to turn the hoipolloi's attention..thats exactly what i felt while Strolling around the Mall..its probably one of the days u always day dream off..as we're gettng 2gethr, it took some 50 steps,when we broke the silence nd start getting familiar with each other by the most palpable question..wazz up..n wat u do..likes, dislikes et al..she's quite frank and easy going, not alike those insular girls of my class(a different anecdote)..as it appears that we know each other for quite a time being..so, i committed a blunder..don't know from where it striked..i asked her, did i met u somewhere ?? And she stared at me, as if, i commented sumthng about her virginity..and here's what she replied..look,mr.dipankar, don't you dare to flirt with me..i am not that kinda gal..better beware of that,..i was like huh...fish! I screwed up everything, and then a round of apologies and pacification started..and the next few minutes, she kept mum..finally, as we're about to finish the shop part, at the entrance and just staring around and, on a sudden, tannu insisted us for the CCD...(what the fuck? Coffee in this fuming heat,as i am thinking of some cool drinks to chill the heat out of that hot chick) (I want to deter but desisted coz my insidious mind thanked tannu for the nobel idea, as it means some more time with Naina & probably last chance to sit beside her :-") so, i was like yeah..tannu is right..CCD is awesome..nice crowd..i love coffee ....okay, enough, move on..Naina ordered..she's fuming and i've some role behind the things ..